That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
