toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
