Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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