Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
