Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize