So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
