if you like me you must not know who I am
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
