Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
