I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
