so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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