how can u be prego again
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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