I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
