The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
