i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
