You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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