OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Found your dick twin last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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