I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
