When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
