my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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