One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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