I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
