u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Less talking, more tequila
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
