he thought i was a dude.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
