thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
