i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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