I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
