Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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