Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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