Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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