I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
