So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im part way to drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize