not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
