One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
