Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize