also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize