More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
