We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize