My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
