rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
