I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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