all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
