yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
