My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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