A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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