Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
