She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
