I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
