Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize