so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
