Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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