i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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