Yo dont text me then not text me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
