do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
