turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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