I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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