Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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