whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
