ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
