you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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