If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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