it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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