i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
