I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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