Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
