I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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