My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
