...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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