dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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