obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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